I've said a lot. Yet I still have some words left unsaid. As I slip into dysthymia, I'm trying to hold on to this one feeling that is still strong but steadily fading. As I look back at my past self from not too long ago, I feel like looking at a distant stranger. Everything's so foreign. Was I really the same person, that felt those emotions, and went through those experiences?
I'm not dead, but might as well be. If I had a soul, a large part of it had probably left this hollow shell.
Contemplated about drawing out these distilled thoughts of mine. Maybe commission it for someone to draw. Not really a comic, more like a soliloquy. Spoken to a silent listener. I don't know why I'm posting this here. Maybe it's the equivalent to screaming into a void.
Before I completely lose my sense of self to my mental illness. I want to capture these fleeting words.
Words left unsaid.
I never had the chance to ask. But I've always wondered. Do you... believe in the parallel universe? You know...alternate reality.
Do you think that across the infinite amount of parallel universes, would there be a C who got together with a Little Miss Tuzki 🐰?
You're a fair person. I know what your answer would be.
But you'd probably think of a way to phrase it that wouldn't give me false hope.
You probably also know my thoughts on it. Too bad that the universe where C and 🐰 got together is not this one.
Actually, that is how I made peace with how things are between us.
I really believe in the multiverse more than I believe in God and my religion. I guess that makes me a lousy person, huh?
Under normal circumstances, my reaction to rejection is lost of interest. Pride had always got me over girls pretty quickly. My ego won't let me fixate on non-mutual romantic interest.
You're the only exception. I have to do mental gymnastics of a rationalization.
I have no empirical evidence to substantiate my claim. But I'm pretty sure that you are the best 🐰 across all the universes.
That's why I'll never be good enough. That's why I'm fine with this and somewhat moved on.
I know you too well. You don't want to pursue anything that seemed "forced". You "go with the flow".
It sucks, but in my mind, you're gonna get swept away by an expat that will click with you the moment you two met. I think that you're way too good for the locals.
Before that moment arrives, I just want to keep reminding you how cool and awesome you are.
That's the only thing I want. No more, no less.
I might not be the best C. Maybe even the worst C in the whole multiverse.
But your brief presence in my life has made me tried my darndest to be the best C I could be, no matter how I rank among all the Cs across the multiverse.
Thank you.
- C
